Our paths cross, however brief, and for a time we share a connection – a bond forged through an encounter. We share meaning and purpose as we come together for a single moment. Then we part, pursue our separate ways, having shared a common history and a piece of ourselves with another, even if only on a seemingly infinitesimal level of our existence. And as we slowly walk away, we forever know that we are changed.
To Fill the Void Within
How do you fill the void when what was is no longer? Do you choose to fill it with the pieces of yourself? You may find, as some have, a part of yourself to be renewed in the gaps of the present moment with the goal of coming to terms with the past – a final acceptance of a life that is no more.
When we break away from the world and see ourselves for who we truly are, we’re able to reflect upon the contours of our soul. Once done, we can then look with unshielded sight at the life that we live and the one we want to have. This is the greatest gap of all. For once realized, all others diminish in comparison and we are left with a choice: pursue out of the hope of possibilities or shyly return to what we once knew even if it is now but a faded memory.
Which path will you take when the choice is upon you? Hopefully the former, but regardless of the result, do not fret. For accepting the choice we just made is as important as knowing that we will have the opportunity to make another right after. And those are the moments that truly fill the gaps of our continued existence.
Acceptance of That Which Was
Acceptance is more than just an acknowledgment of an occurrence. It is an understanding of the impact on our lives. It is identifying the tumultuous emotions – the sadness, anger, pain, hopelessness – that threaten to consume us with such Darkness and despair that we question if there was ever anything but.
We all carry our share of unnecessary burdens: guilt, shame, desperate regrets that we could have made a different choice. Accepting what has occurred opens the door for us to then begin to deal with all that we must. And that, in time, leads us to the point in which we can finally shrug our shoulders of the great weight that we have carried for far too long — in the hopes that we can walk a bit lighter in the days to come. For in those days, we begin to believe in the possibility that the life that was can be once more.
Following Your Dream: Khan Academy
Inspirational video about a man with a Dream.
33-year-old Salman Khan quit his highly lucrative job at a hedge fund to devote himself to teaching students around the world for free. All without leaving his home. What would you do for your Dream?
The Desire to Fail
The desire to fail on the way to reaching a bigger goal is the untold secret to success.
– Seth Godin, Tribes
In Tribes, bestselling author Seth Godin explains how there are plenty of Dreams out in the world and plenty of people with those Dreams. Thus, it’s not a lack of ideas and Dreams, but rather the will to do them that stops us – for all of these efforts are often thwarted by one thing: Fear.
Seth then goes on to say that it’s not actually fear of failure, but rather fear of criticism that causes us to not act. I found this particularly profound. What if we were never told that failure was bad? What if the purpose of life was to find the point at which we fail in order to reach our limits? Does failure not then become a goal, a measure of success?
If we can look at challenges, at failures, at the roadblocks and struggles that come from them as positives – as stepping stones to our goals – then fear becomes a fading memory, an illusion of what once held us back but now is no more. For without fear, our Dreams are truly there for the taking and failure, as Seth says, really does become the “untold secret to success.”
Video: The Surprising Truth of What Motivates Us
Bestselling author Daniel Pink describes intrinsic motivation in his book Drive and how that motivation can be both cultivated or diminished by the way in which we evaluate our choices and the “rewards” we receive from them.
I had the opportunity to hear Dan speak and then attend a lunch with him afterwards. He provides a great amount of insight and wisdom in his talks and his book about what really drives us. View the video below to find out more and examine how it applies to your life and why you do the things that you do.
Does Functional Happiness Require Us to be Dreamers or Doers?
There was an article I wrote that discussed author Scott Belsky‘s approach to Making Ideas Happen. In it, we are asked if each of us is a Dreamer, a Doer or an Incrementalist. Here’s what the article said:
The Dreamer is the one who – for lack of a better word – dreams up the ideas. The Doer is the one who focuses purely on execution. And the Incrementalist? These are the ones who are mix of both. They shift from Dreamer to Doer as needed. They can think of the ideas and then actually get them done.
Which One is Better?
I had the opportunity to ask Scott if there was a perfect recipe for the mix of people in a group or organization. For instance, is it best to have 2 of each if it were a group of 6? I in part expected him to say that the Incrementalist trumps the other two and it’s best to have them, the others being obsolete. But he didn’t. Instead, he said there was no magic mixture of the types. It’s basically whatever works, but you do need all of them.
The same approach applies to Functional Happiness and the Dreams, Life Passions and Development of Self that we all pursue. Setting goals, which is a key element of the Model of Functional Happiness, requires that we first have a vision (being the Dreamer) and then are able to put a realistic plan into action (being the Doer).
What is important to understand, as we can extract from Scott Belsky’s response, is that there is no right answer, no predetermined formula for success and this equally applies to happiness. We all must find our own version of functional happiness for our lives whether that requires us to be Dreamers, Doers or both.
The Journey of Happiness
As we travel along our path from here to there, wherever you decide your “there” to be, it is natural to reflect on the steps that brought us to this point thus far. And as we encounter moments of difficulty and trials of growth, we may find ourselves wishing to return to a time in our lives when we were not faced with such hardships. Though no matter how much we emotionally desire to escape our current reality, our path must continue forth.
However in order to do so requires an understanding that in the infinite brilliance of the universe, things change. And as nostalgia of the past sweeps through us, we must gently accept that things that were may never be again. We may see depths of similarity to the experiences of our previous selves, but the future by its very nature must differ from the past.
Thus as we find ourselves at the crossroads that will inevitably come to bear, it is important to remember that different can be synonymous with better. And with a fleeting thought of the possibilities for a better life, we are renewed on our journey and find ourselves taking the next step along our path – one just moments before we dared not dream possible. Such is the nature of hope and the journey of happiness.
How Do You Rebuild a Life?
How do you rebuild a life, rekindling the flame of a human spirit that has been all but extinguished? How do you start anew when everything you have known has seemingly come to an end?
With a step, a spark, a genesis of something more that lays the foundational elements of our lives – our development and growth as individuals, the passions that drive our Inspiration, and the pursuit of our Dreams yet dreamt. So what is the first step? It can be as simple as a thought, a conversation with a stranger or a glimpse of a better life. The catalyst which begins our journey is different for each of us and relies solely on our ability to take that first step.
Yet once done – however difficult – thereby reigniting the spark within, the path before us becomes illuminated. The question is then asked of each of us: will you walk it? Be encouraged to do so and never look back, except to see how far your journey has taken you.
Letters of Hope: A Campaign for Change
On a trip to Chicago, I walk by a homeless man asking for change. I wish – no – hope there was something that I could give him that was more than just his next meal. If I could but talk to him, share my story, let him know that there’s more to life – more to him – than he yet realizes…tell him, tell them all, that I believe in them. I believe that they can be more than they are today – all of us can. And with that, I returned to my hotel room and wrote a letter…
What is the Letters of Hope Campaign?
The Letters of Hope Campaign is a 2nd START® initiative that provides a simple opportunity to create positive change in the life of a fellow person. Simply carry a Letter of Hope with you while you progress through your daily routine. If you encounter someone in need, hand it to them. Click on the link below to learn more about the Letters of Hope Campaign and how you can participate.
Find out more about the Letters of Hope Campaign
Be sure to post your experiences with Letters of Hope, or tell us of other ways in which you’ve been able to help another who was in need.